Category: Welcome

All-Age Worship: a few thoughts

Published on by stalbanscmeLeave a comment

I’ve recently heard from many churches who want to do more all-age worship. For some, this was something they were working on before Covid. For others, it’s been the prayerful response to declining numbers of volunteers – they’re cutting down on Junior Church or even eliminating it altogether, and want to work on bringing children and families more fully into worship.

So what is all-age worship? How can you do it well?

It might help to think about what all-age worship ISN’T.

All-age worship isn’t:

  1. A particular style of worship. Doing all-age worship doesn’t mean throwing out your community’s identity and traditions. It may require rethinking why we do some of the things we do, and maybe changing or eliminating them as a result of that thinking, but all-age worship can be many things. You can have Anglo-Catholic all-age worship. Charismatic Evangelical all-age worship. Alt-worship all-age worship. And anything in between.
  2. A children’s service. Too often, people say “all-age” and then only plan for children. As the Revd. Mary Hawes says, “if there have to be children there for it to work, it isn’t all-age.”
  3. An entertainment programme. It’s about worshipping God, not doing a song-and-dance number to try and keep children entertained. Singing and dancing may be part of it, but the emphasis is on helping people worship, not creating a show.
  4. A performance by children. If children are involved in leading it, there can be an emphasis on “performing well for the audience,” rather than thinking about what it means to lead worship.
  5. An opportunity for children to stand at the front holding a picture. Again, to quote Revd Mary Hawes – “if your job can be done by an easel, it isn’t a job.”
  6. A chance for children to be cute for adult approval/entertainment. Enough said.
  7. An opportunity to just pass on a simple moral lesson and be done. Worship has space for awe and wonder, not just moral dictation.
  8. Nothing but happy simple joy, babies and flowers and nothing else. Life is complicated and everyone, of all ages, has different emotions. Worship needs space for this.

So what IS all-age worship? Luckily, the answer here is a lot simpler:

  1. It is all-age.
  2. It is worship.

So what does this mean in practice? Does it mean we have to knock ourselves out basically running five services at once, with something for different age groups at all times?

Luckily, no. Here are some things to think about as you plan:

The wiggles.

No, not the Australian television show for toddlers – the fact that children move and wiggle and make noise.

Actually, some adults do that too.

Sometimes, adults knit during meetings. Sometimes they doodle in their notebooks. Sometimes adults journal along with a sermon in church.

Hmm, it’s starting to sound like having something to do with your hands could help people of all ages in worship. What if you had packs that had plain paper and markers, or colouring sheets (there are many beautiful Biblical colouring books that you could photocopy and which wouldn’t feel “childish” for adults, but could also work for children, such as this one), and offered them to everyone, regardless of age? Perhaps there could be a place to return something if you want it to be included in a display, after the service? A few plastic envelopes, some paper and markers, and suddenly you could have an all-age art display in response to your service.

You may want to create a children’s corner if you don’t already have one. More on that here.

How can you tell the story? In general, most people like to hear well-told stories. How can your reading and telling of Scripture bring the story to life? You don’t need to dumb it down or make it silly or simplistic or preachy in order to make it work for children. Think about how well Pixar does intergenerational storytelling – they know children will be watching their films with adults, and they will do better if the adults enjoy them too. Pixar films, in general, have a few things in common:

•There is real risk and danger. What are the stakes in this story?

•The story is clearly and simply told

•Not preachy, moralistic, or obnoxious – engages adults as well as children

•Keep to the essentials – detail enriches main point, doesn’t distract.

•Visual interest

How can we respond to the story?

Dave Csinos and Ivy Beckwith have done some work on “spiritual styles” – the idea that there are several dominant ways in which people connect with God, and most people strongly connect to 1 or 2 of them. These are WORD (reading, discussion, Bible study), EMOTION (art, music), SYMBOL (mysticism, new ways of imagining God), and ACTION (doing something – either physically or an act of service). These tend to be the same throughout our lives – there may be a 6-year-old who loves to talk about the Bible story, and a 56-year-old who would love to meditate to music about it. If you mix up the ways of responding, people of all ages will be engaged.

Another great all-age response tool is wondering questions. These come from the Godly Play tradition, and are open-ended. They require no extra work from you to prepare different things. Silence is okay, so there’s no pressure to respond. Things like:

“I wonder what your favourite part of this story was.”

“I wonder what the most important part of this story was.”

“I wonder where you are in this story.”

as well as some specifically looking at the symbols and emotions of that particular story, eg “I wonder how James and John felt when Jesus asked them to follow him.”

A 4-year-old will respond to these questions in a 4-year-old way, a 34-year-old in a 34-year-old way. All answers are accepted – there are no right or wrong answers. It levels the playing field, allows everyone to be included, and means no extra work for a leader. I’ve done all-age talks that were just a bunch of wondering questions (sometimes finishing with a poem) and they’ve been very effective. All-age doesn’t mean complicated.

What do we have in common?

No matter what age we are, there are things in our life that we are thankful for.

There are things we need to say sorry for.

There are things that amaze and astonish us, which make us go “wow.”

And there are things we need help with.

These map onto the four types of prayer – thanksgiving, repentance, adoration, and intercession.

But everyone understands “Thank you, sorry, wow, help.” These four simple words are universal in speaking to our experience, connect to the church’s traditional kinds of prayer, and are understandable by people of all ages.

Perhaps you can open up prayer to be more sensory, in this framework as well: are there opportunities to touch/draw/write: shaping something, making movements with our hands, blowing bubbles, using stones, candles (battery-powered or real), play-doh, etc. The “Flame Creative Kids” blog has many good ideas for simple but profound sensory prayers.

How do we sing?

All-age worship doesn’t mean entirely changing your musical style. It doesn’t mean – though it can – doing silly action songs.

Think about what sort of music fits with who your community is, but doesn’t require a lot of reading, has simple words, and is repetitive. Maybe this is a traditional hymn with a repetitive chorus. Maybe this is modern worship music. Maybe this is Taize chants. Maybe this is music from Christian communities around the world. Worship Workshop is a good and diverse resource – once you sign up for a (free) account, you have access to backing tracks, sheet music, and words for 96 different songs and hymns, which work for all ages. Pastor Madeleine on YouTube also has a good collection of traditional and modern music, much in a simple style, with the words on the screen.

Children as leaders

Children are not only the passive recipients of the worship we put together. All-age worship is an opportunity for the wider congregation to hear the voices and concerns of children and young people. This gives children and young people a more authentic role in the community, and allows us all to learn from one another. Here are a few ideas for how this can happen:

  1. A group of children write the prayers. This can be done together, ahead of time, in a youth group or Junior Church setting. Alternatively, you could ask each child to send in one sentence each for “Thank you for …” “Please help …” and “I am amazed by …” and have a volunteer put these all together in a list. This allows the congregation to hear what the children’s concerns and thoughts are.
  2. Children create art. Whether you have a service sheet or use a screen, children can create artwork to accompany the worship. This helps us see the service, and the story, in new ways.
  3. Children as worship leaders. Very young children can hand out service sheets or bring up the bread and wine. If you have a bell, young children can ring it with adult help. Older children can do readings, serve at the altar (you can offer yearly server training for adults and children together, to help build relationships), play music, operate the AV system or any streaming you’re doing, prepare and serve the teas and coffees (with adult help), and almost anything else you can think of apart from actually consecrating the bread and wine. If you don’t have time to set out detailed jobs ahead of time you can do what the Revd. Mary Hawes’ church does (I’m quoting her a lot because she’s very wise – follow her on Twitter). They have a laminated set of cards with jobs on them – when people arrive, if they want to do a job, they pick up a card. The cards have words (“carry up the Bible”) and pictures (a book) on them, so they work for non-readers and readers alike.

And ultimately, worship occurs in the context of church. (This is another Mary Hawes quote, but the Revd. Ally Barrett has said it too, so I’m quoting two people here) If your church has ways of creating intergenerational relationships, all-age worship will feel like the natural growth of that. As Mary says – “it’s harder to tut at a child you know.” Where are the opportunities to get to know each other? To share our stories? To do activities together? To become a church of all ages, who live, grow, and worship together?

For an excellent example of building intergenerational community, I recommend the excellent “Old People’s Home For Four-Year-Olds” on Channel 4. (You will need to create an account to watch it, but it’s free). The first episode alone is inspirational, but you may end up getting sucked in and watching the whole thing – and the Christmas specials!

Under-40s and faith

Published on by stalbanscmeLeave a comment

Many of us may be expecting larger than usual numbers of young families in our churches over the next few weeks – school services, crib services, and Christingles mean we have contact with families we may not see at other times. Who are these families? What do they value? Where are they, spiritually? What can we learn from each other?

This is an excerpt from my book, “Beyond the Children’s Corner: creating a culture of welcome for all ages”

Despite a strong cultural narrative of modern life being more isolated than ever before, the idea that ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ still resonates with parents, and the church is part of that village. The research into baptisms conducted by the Church of England’s Life Events team found that the biggest reason for parents wanting their children to be baptized was so that they would have godparents.[1]

‘A christening gives parents the opportunity to formally involve other significant adults in their child’s upbringing, for advice, protection, support and encouragement, and they will give a lot of thought to choosing good people,’ the research says. It found that ‘the choice of godparents often honours long friendships, and in choosing them, parents are envisaging a relationship that will last at least 20 years, probably a lifetime.’

One parent I spoke with told me, ‘Both times I’ve found myself looking down at a positive pregnancy test, my first thought was, “Oh God, who’s going to help me do this?” Of course I’m lucky in that I have my partner, but in that moment when the reality is beginning to dawn on you, you know you’re going to need more than that. It’s like that quote from About a Boy – two isn’t enough. You need backup.’

This desire – for a community of loving adults – has clear implications for mission and ministry, and for what the church can offer to provide what parents want for their children. And it also suggests we would be remiss to overlook the importance of recognizing the godparent/godchild relationship when families come to us for baptisms.

What else do parents value, when it comes to spirituality? The majority of parents with very young children will be under 40. This is relevant, because recent polling for YouGov shows that for the first time, in the last few years, the number of people under 40 identifying themselves as ‘nones’ – i.e. of no religion – passed 50%.

While this may seem like bad news at first glance, this group is not as straightforward as they seem. Linda Woodhead, the author of the research, writes, ‘Only a minority of nones … are convinced atheists … the largest bloc is made up of maybes, doubters, and don’t knows, plus 5.5% who definitely believe in God. As to what kind of God they believe in, less than a quarter of the nones who think there is a God adhere to the traditional idea of a personal “God”, with the rest believing in a spirit, life-force, energy, or simply “something there”. So the nones are not [a] phalanx of doughty secularists … but they are certainly more sceptical about the existence of God than those who identify as religious.’

But Woodhead’s idea of religion doesn’t end with identification – she then goes on to look at practice, where again she finds that ‘the picture is not straightforwardly secular … A quarter [of nones] report taking part in some kind of personal religious or spiritual practice in the course of a month, such as praying. What they absolutely do not do is take part in communal religious practices … On the whole they do not much care for religious leaders, institutions and authorities, but they tolerate them … The only leaders for whom nones have regard are Desmond Tutu, the Dalai Lama, and to a lesser extent Pope Francis.[2] It seems clear that nones dislike being preached at and told what to do; they prefer to make up their own minds.’[3]

Woodhead also found that ‘nones’ are more likely than practicing Anglicans to consider themselves global citizens, and in terms of their attitudes towards personal morality, tend to adopt a ‘live and let live, as long as you aren’t hurting anyone’ attitude.[4]

So families these days form a variety of structures. They may be households consisting of two people or many more. They may have three or more generations living together, may have a single parent, or two parents of the same or opposite sex. A child may spend two weekends a month with mum and two with dad, having obvious implications on their participation in weekend activities like Sunday worship. There may be children with additional needs in the family, and both they and their siblings and parents will be affected by this. The family will likely believe in some form of higher power or spirituality, but be suspicious of organized religion and not keen to label themselves as part of a group. They will be likely to have a strong belief in the rights of other families to live as they like as long as nobody is getting hurt, and desire a community of significant adults around them to help raise their children. They value authenticity and community, but are sceptical about hierarchy, institutions and authority.

And, crucially, they are unfamiliar with church. Under-40s are less likely to have regularly attended church as a child than any generation of parents before them.

So when you have a family coming for a christening, or to a crib service, or even just an ordinary Sunday morning, you’re not just meeting a child who isn’t enculturated into church, but you are likely also encountering adults who are unfamiliar with the routines, practices, language, codes of behaviour and general expectations of what going to church means.

This has long-term ramifications in terms of how we help parents to nurture their child’s faith at home, when they themselves may be only just starting to explore faith, but it has immediate ramifications in how we welcome these families and treat them on Sunday morning.

I moved house a few years ago, and there was an independent bakery on my new high street. I wanted to go in, but for weeks I put it off and went to the chain one instead. Why? Because I wasn’t sure of the rules. Would I have to pay cash, or is card okay? (I don’t normally carry much cash.) Do I order and then sit down, or is it table service? I was worried about looking awkward and out of place.

Imagine how much more magnified these emotions must be if the place you’re coming to is someplace very quiet and reverent, with a lot of unusual practices like singing together, and you also have a restless two-year-old with you, with an unwieldy pram to worry about. Remembering that parents bringing their children to church will probably be uncertain, and nervous about what happens there and what to do, is crucial to creating a culture of welcome.

[1] Church of England Life Events, https://churchsupporthub.org/baptisms/explore-thinking/importance-godparents/.

[2] Interesting question to ponder: what do those three figures have in common? Does your church share those traits?

[3] Woodhead, Linda, ‘The rise of “no religion” in Britain: The emergence of a new cultural majority’, Journal of the British Academy, 4, 245–61. DOI 10.5871/jba/004.245. Posted 8 December 2016. © The British Academy 2016.

[4] For those who like numbers: 83% of Britons fell at the more liberal end of this scale, 92% of lay Anglicans did, and 100% of the ‘nones’ did.

Where have our volunteers gone?

Published on by stalbanscme1 Comment

Yesterday, my church celebrated our Dedication Sunday. Our vicar preached with gratitude and love for all that we had done together to keep the church’s mission and ministry going during the pandemic. But he did mention something that many other churches have asked me about over the last few months – our volunteers have quit, in alarming numbers, over the last 18 months.

Why is this happening?

For some, it’s that committing to regular volunteering in uncertain times feels impossible. We don’t know if we might have to suddenly self-isolate with no notice, and we’re worried about letting people down if we do. We struggle with quickly responding and adapting to changing regulations – planning a Junior Church session is fine, but planning six different versions of it, depending on what we might be allowed to do, and then writing a detailed risk assessment, is too much. Or our own responsibilities multiplied over the pandemic – home-schooling, working from home, caring for relatives – and we just can’t stay on top of the church gardening as well.

For others, it may have been that we were close to burning out before the pandemic hit, and it just became an easy way to naturally stop something we no longer had the energy or enthusiasm for, but felt we couldn’t quit.

Or we may be in a group that’s particularly vulnerable to Covid, or live with someone who is, and we’re trying to minimise risk, and leading Toddler Group just feels like a step too far.

So now we as a church are trying to figure out a way forward, and all the children’s ministry stuff we used to do – Junior Church, or Messy Church, or Toddler Group, or schools ministry, or any number of things – and not only does it feel like the families have distanced themselves, but you also don’t have the volunteer support you used to have.

What Can You Do?

The simplest way of encouraging people to volunteer is to ask. Definitely in a general way, from the front, but also personally. “People like to be asked,” a vicar told me the other day, reporting on an elderly gentleman who she asked to help with a project, and who told her, emotionally, he hadn’t been asked to do anything at church for years. “People like to feel useful.” The personal touch can help. And in thinking about who to ask to help with children’s ministry, don’t just think about young parents (and especially not just young mums) – people of all ages can have a gift for ministering with children. Extra grannies and grandpas can help form deep faith, and create nurturing inter-generational relationships. And if there are admin or organisational tasks needed to help run your children’s ministry, people can do those, even if they’re “not good with kids.”

And think about changing trends in volunteering – an NCVO webinar I attended a few years ago pointed out that people these days tend to like volunteering for shorter, time-limited events, rather than ongoing commitments. So someone may not be happy to lead Junior Church every other week, forever, but they might be happy to organise the Crib Service. Or a half-term holiday club.

But there are bigger questions raised by this slump in volunteer numbers.

Going Back To Normal?

It is tempting to think “how can we make it so that things can go back to normal? How can we find the same number of volunteers we had before, so we can do the same things?” But it may be that God is calling you to a different way of doing things, a different way of being.

Perhaps the lack of volunteers is an opportunity – instead of doing separate things for children, which require a number of specialist volunteers, your congregation can think about ways to further integrate children into what the rest of the church is already doing. What if you stopped trying to do Junior Church every week, for example, and instead did it once or twice a month? The other weeks, use simple techniques to integrate children further into worship – I asked a few parents and clergy for easy ways to do this the other day, and here’s what they came up with:

  1. Provide everyone, of all ages, with paper and drawing materials. Encourage people to draw or write in response to what happens during worship.
  2. If you have a children’s area, can you make it larger? With things for toddlers but also for older children?
  3. Encourage children to come up and sit around the altar during the Eucharistic prayer.
  4. Keep children in church with clergy. Send everyone else out to self-guided groups with some discussion questions for part of the service.

In the longer term, can you make it a goal for the whole church to take seriously the idea of welcoming children and families, and including them in worship? What would it take for this to happen? Would it be more or less work than trying to re-launch separate programmes from scratch? Would the families you used to have be interested, or would they only be interested in coming back to the same thing they used to do?

Outside of Sunday morning worship, are there opportunities to include children and families in things that are already happening, so you need fewer volunteers?

For example, if you have a “tea and a chat” club for the elderly, is there a way of combining this with a toddler group, for at least part of the time they’re together? Yes, you would still need volunteers who were good with families, and volunteers who were good with the elderly, but you’d only need half as many people to set up, do the refreshments, tidy everything up, if you were only doing it once! The toddlers could have some time on their own to begin, then everyone could meet together for a while, and then the elderly could have some time on their own to finish.

If you have a group who works on a local issue of justice – homelessness, or a Foodbank – could they meet in an evening, include prayer and pizza, and make this group open to older children and teenagers who also care about these issues?

There may still be places where we want children to be just with children. This provides the opportunity for them to make friendships more easily than if their parents are right there, and it allows us to tailor things for different ages or interests. I’m not saying get rid of everything children do on their own. But if we start shifting our thinking from “how can we get lots of people to run all the programmes we used to run for children” to “how can the whole church move to open up what we’re already doing, so children and families can be more included?” we may find, with time, that our intergenerational relationships, worship, and ministry are flourishing in unexpected and wonderful ways.

UPDATE: In a discussion on social media, Wendy Claire Barrie, a children’s ministry expert from the USA, said the following, and gave permission for me to add it to this post:

A few thoughts from the other side of the Atlantic:

1. While young children remain unvaccinated, they are at risk and raise the risk of others, so it may not yet be time to match them with elders or have them stand around the altar.

2. Nimble is the word and mindset we’ve adopted. We are back in worship and with some programs here in NYC but have to be ready to pivot on a moment’s notice.

3. I am long past ready to reframe what parishioners do at church/for church events as volunteering. This is how church happens: we do this work together. What the lack of parishioners being willing or able to participate in this way must mean is fewer programs, events, classes, not that already overburdened staff take on more responsibilities.

Churchyard Prayer Trail for All Saints/All Souls/Remembrance

Published on by stalbanscme4 Comments

Many people have used churchyards more during the pandemic, as a way of getting outside, getting exercise, or finding a place of peace.

These prayer stations are designed to encourage people who may not attend church, or pray much, to use your churchyard for spiritual reflection, and become familiar with the season of All Saints, All Souls, and Remembrance. They can be used be people of all ages.

There is a sign for the entrance to your churchyard and then there are four stations:

  1. All Hallows Eve – confronting our fears
  2. All Saints – remembering those whose lives inspire us in faith
  3. All Souls – remembering our own beloved dead
  4. Remembrance – honouring the sacrifice of those in war, and praying for peace

These can be put anywhere around your churchyard that is appropriate. However, one suggested way is:

  1. All Hallows Eve – by graves that have imagery (angels, skulls, cherubs, etc) to explore
  2. All Saints – by something with a saint’s name on it (your church’s sign, or a statue, if you have one)
  3. All Souls – a memorial bench
  4. Remembrance – a commonwealth war grave, or your war memorial (if outdoors)

What do I need?

The stations can primarily stand on their own without resources. However, you will need to laminate the pages so they’re waterproof, and, if possible, provide the following and ensure they’re checked and topped up regularly as needed:

  1. A basket of stones, to go by the sign at the entrance
  2. Rosemary and myrrh for the fourth station (these can be in waterproof plastic containers – you may want to provide hand sanitizer here as well)
  3. There is a space on the third prayer station for you to add a sticker with contact details for someone to talk to about bereavement

Download the stations here:

Remembering and Remembrance All-Age Prayer TrailDownload

The Knitted Bible!

Published on by stalbanscme1 Comment

Today I visited The Knitted Bible in its latest host site of Hampstead Parish Church. While St. Albans Diocese has an impressive fondness for knitted Bible stories – our cathedral’s large knitted Nativity, the smaller knitted Nativity and Noah’s Ark available to borrow from our Resource Centre, and many other knitted Bible sets around the Diocese – this goes beyond even our impressive yarn-based Biblical efforts.

It consists of around 35 scenes, from Creation to Jesus’s breakfast on the beach after his resurrection, each painstakingly re-created in yarn and stuffing, often with ingenious sets made of everything from kitchen roll to upside-down flower pots. (Please note: it does include the sacrifice of Isaac, without a huge amount of material provided about that story apart from “God wanted to see if Abraham would obey,” which is a simplistic reading that can be damaging to children’s ideas of God, and scary for them. Rabbis I have spoken with tend to interpret that story more as Abraham misunderstanding God, thinking God wants human sacrifice like the pagan gods of the time, and God stopping Abraham, clarifying he does not require human sacrifice. You may want to remove this scene from your display or provide additional material to give it context.)

IMG_20200210_101932

IMG_20200210_102059
The Garden of Eden is in the church’s font.

The Knitted Bible was created in 2008 by over 40 people at St. George’s URC in Hartlepool. It is available for churches to borrow without charge – however, it’s booked up very far in advance. If you’re interested in borrowing it for your church in late 2021 or even 2022, contact information can be found here.

While that may seem far away, it’s definitely worth considering if this is something you might be interested in doing. I spoke with the stewards on site, the church’s administrator, and with the Rev. Jeremy Fletcher, Vicar of Hampstead. The stewards and the administrator told me they’ve received a marked increase in foot traffic in the church over the ten days the Knitted Bible has been in situ. The stewards said it’s been a wonderful point of engagement with the local community – the church school has brought several classes to visit, it’s been out during worship for people to look at and explore, and people of all ages have engaged with it.

Rev. Jeremy said, “lots of people have told me they expected to be charmed by it. And that they were surprised to find that they were both charmed and moved by it.” He suspects a lot of what’s so moving about it is the detail. Every person and animal is an individual, and has their own story to tell, and little details in the setup – from a steward in the act of pouring wine at the Wedding at Cana to the little foil tip on a Roman soldier’s spear – draw the viewer in and inspire wondering and imagination.

IMG_20200210_103942IMG_20200210_104320

Visiting the Knitted Bible could serve as a springboard for follow-up activities as well, in schools, or church children’s/mixed age groups, such as:

  • Make your own 3-d versions of Bible stories and display them alongside the knitted ones.
  • Choose a character from one of the scenes and write the story from their point of view.
  • Put together an assembly, or a presentation to the congregation, about your visit and/or one of the stories.

Here are some more photos. Maybe you’ll be inspired and create a knitted Bible – or at least a few scenes – of your own!

HEBREW SCRIPTURES:

IMG_20200210_112730

IMG_20200210_103055

IMG_20200210_102339IMG_20200210_102438IMG_20200210_102447IMG_20200210_102648IMG_20200210_102741IMG_20200210_102748

LIFE OF JESUS:

IMG_20200210_102945

IMG_20200210_103132
I love the way the Holy Spirit is, by necessity of the medium, just sitting on Jesus’s head here.

 

IMG_20200210_103924

IMG_20200210_103835IMG_20200210_103714IMG_20200210_103705IMG_20200210_103532IMG_20200210_103406IMG_20200210_103321

IMG_20200210_104021IMG_20200210_104055

IMG_20200210_104200IMG_20200210_104225

IMG_20200210_104330IMG_20200210_104450IMG_20200210_105135IMG_20200210_105115

 

The Children’s Ministry Channel

Published on by stalbanscmeLeave a comment

Oh, I wish there was one. However, I’ve found a few programmes over the last few years which have actually been very useful, with information, inspiration, and ideas that are easily related to what we do with children and families in church.

Old People's Homes For 4 Year Olds Series 2

The first is “Babies: Their Wonderful World” – a three-part series in which famous studies in development are re-created and discussed, and a few new experiments are tried, with children up to 12 months. Unfortunately, the full episodes aren’t available at the moment, but a few good clips can be found here, and a fascinating bit about how some aspects of morality may be innate can be found here. (And yes, I asked on Twitter if they re-created the experiment with the blue square/yellow triangle roles reversed, and they confirmed they had, and babies chose the blue square when it was the “good” puppet.) If our sense of good and bad is innate, then that suggests our spirituality may be innate – what researchers like Rebecca Nye and John Westerhoff have suggested. In which case, what we’re doing in church is not filling up an empty vessel, who knows nothing about God, but helping a child understand and express a relationship, and a set of ideas about right and wrong, help and harm, which they possess from birth. This clip can be a good way of starting those conversations with your church groups.

Channel 4 thankfully keeps their programmes available on catch up for longer than the BBC, so you can still watch full episodes of their incredible “Old People’s Home for Four-Year-Olds.” This inter-generational experiment, in which a group of two-to-four-year-olds came into a residential care home, is a model of how mixing the generations helps us all. The parents get more adults who love their child, the elderly residents show benefits in physical and mental health from contact with children, and the children get love, care, and wisdom from older people. The implications for churches are obvious.

There is also a series called “The Secret Life Of Four-Year-Olds,” which now has expanded into series about 5- and 6-year-olds as well. It’s a lot of detail about a very narrow age group, but if this is your speciality area, it’s well worth a watch. You can find all 25 episodes here.

This isn’t a programme, but a useful clip: The Diocese of Aberdeen and Orkney gave some children video cameras and they filmed what worship is like for them. An eye-opening “child’s-eye view” of an Anglican service. What do you notice?

And finally, sadly, there is “Exposed: The Church’s Darkest Secret.” It makes for harrowing watching, but it provides a vital glimpse into how church culture helped cover up the crimes of Bishop Peter Ball, and his abuse of young people in his care, and reminds us of how vital our Safeguarding responsibilities are. Watch it if you can, but if you know you can’t, that’s also fine. (Any current or historical Safeguarding issues relating to St Albans Diocese can be reported to our Diocesan Safeguarding team. You will be listened to and taken seriously.)

Are there any useful programmes I’ve forgotten?

Welcome to the gym – I mean, church!

Published on by stalbanscme3 Comments

Recently, I joined a gym. Those who know me will know this is out of character for me. But I’ve done it, I’m going to regular classes, and I’m not dead yet, so things are looking good.

Beautiful women working out in gym together
Actual footage of people who are definitely, definitely not me.

However, one unexpected benefit of this is that I now have recent, hands-on experience of what it feels like to be really new to a place, and completely unfamiliar with its customs and culture. This is something many children and parents experience when they come to church – and church leaders, who are used to their church’s ways of doing things, can often forget how intimidating it is to be new, and how unfamiliar most children, and parents, are with what happens at church.

family-going-to-church
That toddler looks utterly thrilled to be going to church. And yes, I’ve been going to church all my life and this picture still makes me feel intimidated and bored.

So here are a few things I noticed about my gym experience, and how we might learn from it at church.

Coming to the gym wasn’t my first step. My first step was a friend inviting me to her boxing class. She knew I was looking to get in shape, and she told me this class was small, informal, friendly, and that she and I would go for a coffee afterwards. I went twice and LOVED it. However, the scheduling of the class didn’t work out for me long term, so I found myself with the desire to do fitness classes, looking for a place that would work for me to explore this more.

Applicable to churches: A culture of invitation among existing members. My friend knew I was looking for something, and invited me to her group. Knowing somebody who would be there meant it was less intimidating for me to show up, and she helped show me what to do with the equipment and so on. Encourage your existing congregation to invite friends to your Harvest Festival, your Crib Service, and to help show them how the service sheet works and all that.

Then I found myself looking for a home. I posted a plea to Facebook – “anyone have experiences with a newbie-friendly gym?” and I researched websites. I found one that looked friendly and accessible and had an online schedule of classes, so I knew there were boxing and dance classes at times that would work for me.

Applicable to churches: Most parents of young children are under 45. They will search your website and any social media you have before they even think of showing up at your door. I wrote a few tips on making your website more family-friendly here.

istockphoto-502558343-612x612
Actual footage of your church’s new front door in this day and age.

Then I joined, and booked myself in for a class. The gym I joined has no contract, so I didn’t feel I was making a MASSIVE commitment just by taking that first tentative step. By booking myself in for a class, I felt I had, however, made a commitment to show up on that day, even if I didn’t feel like it.

Applicable to churches: Don’t ask people to sign up in support of the Nicene Creed, the 39 Articles, a particular position on the atonement, and to join the coffee rota and the PCC the second you see them approach you. They’re still not sure if this is for them, and demanding they turn their whole life over is scary. The second half of this – the commitment to a class – is applicable more to things like Christenings and weddings. Asking people to commit to coming to church a few times in preparation for a Christening or wedding service can help them feel like they’ve made a promise they need to stick to.

Then I actually showed up. So much groundwork had been done before I even walked in the front door! So now, here I am. The gym is part of a nationwide chain that sells itself as very friendly to newcomers and not scarily intense. There is an app, and you have a PIN number that gets you through the front door. It took me a while to figure out how this worked, and I watched a few other people arrive and copied what they did.

There was an area with tables and chairs, so I sat there and posted on Facebook: “I’m feeling self-conscious and I don’t quite know how it all works, but I’m here, and the class I booked starts in 10 minutes, so let’s do this.” Friends on mine who are gym regulars posted comments like “you’ll do great!” or “I’m a member of [that chain] too – here’s how it works.”

11340418854_74844b95a1_o
Learning how it all works.

Looking around, I was relieved to see people of all ages and sizes – I’m not 25 and I’m not a size 8, and it was encouraging to know that didn’t make me stick out like a sore thumb.

I went into the room where the class was being held. There was no instructor until about 30 seconds before the class started, so I had to figure out what to do on my own. Once I’d (pretty much) sorted it, I updated Facebook: “I walked in and there’s no instructor yet. I tried to find an empty step and there wasn’t one. Then someone else walked in and got one from a cupboard, so I did too. Now I’m wondering if I’ve left enough room behind mine or if it’s going to be awkward. Mostly I’m trying to avoid eye contact!!!”

Applicable to churches: Here’s where your greeting team and your service sheets/screens are REALLY important. A quick “is this your first time here?” to people your team doesn’t recognise, and one or two sentences covering the basics – “you can put the pushchair over there, we have Junior Church or you can stay with your family, there’s a children’s area on the right, and this service sheet has the readings, this one has all the prayers” can help people feel less at sea than I did.

Also, don’t judge someone who’s sitting there frantically scrolling through social media right before the service starts, instead of chatting quietly or praying. They may be new and feeling awkward, and our phones have become our collective security blankets for surviving awkward social situations.

The bit about how reassuring it was to see people who looked like me is difficult – diversity of all kinds is a huge issue in our churches, and needs more space than I have here. But it does reinforce what I often say – that the HARDEST work in children’s ministry is getting from 0 to 5 or 6 regulars. Once you have critical mass, even if it’s a small number, new parents and children will feel more relaxed when they arrive and see at least a few other people who look like them. However, signs in your building that you’re welcome to the idea of children can help – a good children’s corner (see the Pray and Play tagged posts on this blog), examples of children’s artwork from Messy Church or holiday club or toddler group, etc.

Then … I did it! I worked out! Again, I was pleased to see I wasn’t the only one who had to pause sometimes while other members of the class kept going. I wasn’t the only one who had to trade out their weights for lighter ones.

And as I walked out, I felt … more at home. More like I belonged there. More in control and more confident. I updated the Facebook thread – “I did great! Not compared to the incredibly muscular and toned gym bunny in front of me, but great compared to me, which is what matters!” Friends who are gym regulars chimed in with tips about post-workout nutrition, and how to make sure I wasn’t too sore the next day. I immediately signed up (on the app, nice and easy) for two more classes, to make sure I continued the momentum.

keep-going-cute-motivational-poster
Actual footage of me working out while also engaging in the spiritual discipline of contemplative prayer, like a boss. (You can buy this poster here)

And then, over the next few days, the strangest thing happened. I started to feel like I was “in the club.” I tried on this new identity as “someone who goes to the gym” to see how it fit. I saw memes about “leg day” and so on, on Twitter, and laughed in recognition. I started obnoxiously telling everyone about how I went to the gym and the different classes I was thinking of taking. I considered going there on my own sometime, not for a class, just to use the machines (the gym equivalent of popping into church for silent prayer, not just a service).

Applicable to churches: Make it okay for people to not know how to worship. Make it clear that it’s okay to walk around with your child if needed – switching out the weights for the lighter ones, so to speak. And that if you stand or kneel at the wrong place, or have trouble finding the right page in the hymnal or service sheet, that’s okay. Encourage your regulars to help people who are juggling small children and service sheets. Make the logistics for Communion clear.

And once people start to feel “hey, I kind of have a handle on this,” they will start to feel more like one of you. They will start to get the jokes (like this one):

baptist-anglican

Make it easy for them to “join the club.” My gym-going friends on Facebook have been very open about sharing tips and jokes and making me feel like I belong, even though I’ve now only gone twice (but I have another class booked for tonight). There has been no snarkiness, no “oh, you’ll understand when you’re as developed and enlightened as we are,” just a genuine enthusiasm for this place that’s part of their lives, that requires effort and hard work to make them healthier and stronger and better able to cope with frustration and anger, and an encouragement that I too can be part of it. That’s not a bad model for evangelism.

Out of the Silo

Published on by stalbanscmeLeave a comment

How would you list the activities and ministries your church does?

I suspect, in many churches, the list would go something like this:

  1. Worship (perhaps including professional-quality music groups)
  2. Bible study, education, Alpha or Pilgrim courses, Lent/Advent groups, home groups, etc
  3. Fellowship and relationship-building
  4. Serving the community – things like Foodbanks, lunch clubs for the elderly
  5. Supporting national or international charities/justice efforts
  6. Stewardship and governance decisions
  7. Children’s ministry
  8. Youth ministry

If asked about what Children’s Ministry consisted of, the response might be something like, “we have Junior Church, and our weekly toddler group, and Messy Church once a month.”

Which is brilliant! An active children’s ministry like this takes time, effort, commitment, and a lot of love. And it makes a real difference in the lives of children and their families.IMG_20190624_094632

But where are the children and young people in the rest of the list?

Often, we get so used to “children’s ministry” as a separate category that we forget that we can include children in other things the church is already doing. We can have things specifically aimed at children and families – baby and toddler groups are lifelines to many new parents – but we can also look at the list above and, for every item, not just the children’s ministry one, think, “could we include children in this?”

The Children’s Society Good Childhood report has come out today. You can read it here. In it, children express a growing concern about crime, and environmental issues – deep issues of concern for Christians who care about building peace, and caring for God’s creation. If your church is doing anything on crime, creation care, or poverty, could children be involved?

Statutory agencies and schools are also undergoing a cultural shift in how children are involved in decision-making – and churches have an opportunity to follow this example. Children are especially vulnerable, and can’t vote, but almost every decision made by adults in charge of institutions and governments affects them disproportionately. Can you include children in any decision-making processes in your church – about priorities in spending money, about programmes, worship, or choosing a new vicar, children’s worker, director of music, etc? Can children be present at and included in your annual meeting? What would be needed to make that happen?

Here are a few ideas for how this could work in practice:

  1. Invite children and young people to visit the PCC three or four times and year and talk about what matters to them at church, in their community, and in wider issues of justice.
  2. Have a “children’s table” at the annual meeting, facilitated by someone who knows your church’s children, and who can help them share their thoughts and contribute (and provide pens and paper for them to scribble and draw to keep the fidgets at bay).
  3. Think about how your church’s community service, and wider action on social issues, could include children. The church where I was children’s worker includes older children and teenagers on a local charity’s annual “sleep-out” for homelessness – they are sponsored by their teachers and friends. We also include children and teenagers in our pub quiz for Christian Aid. Could your junior church join in fundraising events? Could they make posters or speak in worship, to encourage other church members to get involved? Could you include children in deciding which charities or causes the church supports?
  4. How do you include children in worship? Are they doing what adults tell them, or do they have a chance to share their own ideas?

Children can be involved in the full, broad life of the church – indeed, they should be, because that’s how they learn that Christian life includes thinking about our common life together, reaching out in love to the community, and advocating for a world that reflects God’s values of justice, equality, and dignity for every human being, and stewardship of the earth he has given us. Including children in activities and decisions outside of children’s ministry also gives your church:

  1. The chance to foster inter-generational community.
  2. A reminder to the older members that children are full disciples and members of the Body of Christ.
  3. The enrichment of the ideas and contributions the children bring.

We are all richer when all our voices are heard.

Making Church Websites Family-Friendly

Published on by stalbanscme1 Comment

I spend a decent amount of time on church websites, due to the nature of my job. Some are brilliant. Some are awful. Most are … okay.

Most parents of small children are under 40 – this means they’re Millennials or even Gen Z, and have had internet access since their early teens, at the latest. You can pretty much count on your church being Googled before parents rock up at the door – and whether or not they give you a try may depend on what they get when they Google you.

istockphoto-502558343-612x612
I had to Google photos of someone Googling and this is the most meta thing that has ever happened to me.

Here are a few tips:

  1. Make your service times easy to find. On the front page of your site if possible. And make sure they’re up to date, including special events. A family may feel more comfortable coming to your Crib Service or your Harvest Festival than to a normal Sunday morning service, so make sure those dates are up there.
  2. Include pictures of children, if possible – and definitely of people. I was on a church website recently that had about 30 beautiful photos of every part of their stunning building. But nothing showing that this was a community. If you can show pictures of children, particularly, this reassures anxious parents that your community values children and they’ll be welcomed if they come. (Of course, you need permission from parents/carers for any photos you do use.)redbourn
  3. “New here? Here’s what to expect!” The Revd Ally Barrett has a wonderful blog post here about why you should include a section on your website about what to expect if you’ve never been to church before – and how you can make that section work. Many parents may only have been to church occasionally before, but feel a desire to come now they have children. If they can read up ahead of time about what the experience is like, they will feel more prepared and less hesitant. It also sends the message that your church is open to newcomers – they won’t be expected to know everything. In our own Diocese, St Paul’s Letchworth has a good example of this kind of page.
  4. Christenings! Most church websites have information about baptisms, weddings, and funerals. Great! However, this may be hidden away under some tab with insider language like “Life Events.” How would I know, if I wasn’t a church professional used to that kind of language, that that’s where to look for information about christening my child? And while we’re on the subject, the word “christening” is much more familiar to society at large than “baptism” is. If your website uses “christening,” you’re more likely to come up in Google searches in the first place, and much more likely to get people to click on that tab and contact you. You can then use baptism preparation to help broaden the parents’ understandings of the different words used to describe this sacrament. But don’t put them off before they’ve even started by using language they won’t understand or won’t search for.

    flitwick-christening
    A smiling vicar, a cute baby, clear and simple descriptions of what happens – a good Christenings page on a church website.
  5. Connect the dots. If you have things for children during the week – toddler groups, Messy Church, Scout groups, etc – make sure these are prominent and easy to find. Don’t hide your lights under bushels. Your church website isn’t just about the history of your building, and Sunday morning – it’s the front door of your whole community.

Any good website tips I’ve forgotten? Leave them in the comments!

Messy Church – Playfully Serious

Published on by stalbanscmeLeave a comment

For those of you who may not yet have seen the research from Church Army on Messy Church, called “Playfully Serious,” please find it attached below. It’s very useful in helping churches discern what you’re doing Messy Church for, how to do it well, how to make it church instead of just entertainment, and so on.

Messy-Church-Event

CA Messy Church Playfully Serious